[He fucked up this time. That much becomes clear even before the Boss grasps his hand, desperate for an answer - Doppio's head is already shaking then, partly in denial, partly in panic, because the Boss shouldn't have to feel like this, and he just doesn't know the right words--
The Boss demands an answer. It starts to spill from Doppio's mouth before he can think of what it ought to be.]
No! Boss, that's not it! I-- I thought... [He fumbles; he still doesn't have the words, and that's...] That's the problem! I-I'm just... I'm not good at this like you are! If it was the other way around, you'd be making me feel so much better, I just know it, but I don't know what to tell you!
[Those can't possibly have been the right words either, but there was no stopping them.]
Boss...
[His mouth hangs open. This time, he realises the words lingering on his tongue are those same three he tried to hide earlier. God fucking dammit, what good is a selfish declaration when all he wants to do is help the Boss feel better?]
I didn't mean you can't do better than that, [he tries again, his voice strained.] It's just... What you're doing now...
[Why is this so fucking hard? How does the Boss do it?]
Y... You've been through hell, Boss. You've seen and felt stuff that'd make anyone want to curl up and die. But... But you're here, and... you're trying. You're trying not to curl up and die.
[Not like this. He'd say it better. He'd make Doppio feel like he's earned his position in the world somehow. And that, he thinks, is what the Boss needs right now, but he doesn't know how to get there.]
no subject
The Boss demands an answer. It starts to spill from Doppio's mouth before he can think of what it ought to be.]
No! Boss, that's not it! I-- I thought... [He fumbles; he still doesn't have the words, and that's...] That's the problem! I-I'm just... I'm not good at this like you are! If it was the other way around, you'd be making me feel so much better, I just know it, but I don't know what to tell you!
[Those can't possibly have been the right words either, but there was no stopping them.]
Boss...
[His mouth hangs open. This time, he realises the words lingering on his tongue are those same three he tried to hide earlier. God fucking dammit, what good is a selfish declaration when all he wants to do is help the Boss feel better?]
I didn't mean you can't do better than that, [he tries again, his voice strained.] It's just... What you're doing now...
[Why is this so fucking hard? How does the Boss do it?]
Y... You've been through hell, Boss. You've seen and felt stuff that'd make anyone want to curl up and die. But... But you're here, and... you're trying. You're trying not to curl up and die.
[Not like this. He'd say it better. He'd make Doppio feel like he's earned his position in the world somehow. And that, he thinks, is what the Boss needs right now, but he doesn't know how to get there.]