epitaffio | IC Inbox

[...Huh.]

Well, I'm sure it would be horrible to be stuck in a body with someone you don't trust. You spared him a fate like that by being just the person he needed.

However, that wasn't the only thing I was referring to.

So what do you mean?

[Ah... She must be really weirded out by the whole thing. Which makes sense, right? It's not every day you figure out there's two guys in one body, and when one of them's your father...]

If you think it's strange I'm taking it so well...
I think I get it?
But it really DOESN'T change that much. Especially now that we're here, in different bodies again.
Though when I think about it, I really wish I could help the Boss the way I used to...
No wonder he's so skittish around other people if I was the one who handled that stuff all along, you know?

[...

She honestly can't tell if he's being deliberate. Trish taps her nails on the rim of her keyboard.]

No, I don't think it's particularly strange. You've had time to get used to your new dynamic, and our lives before don't often mean too much here.

But again, that's not what I was asking.

I realize you think of yourselves as separate people, and you are, but physically...you were once a single man. And if you handled the social part of your lives in the past, then it follows that you were the charming young man my mother fell in love with.

[Do you catch her drift, Doppio? Do you?]

Edited (me like wait she wouldnt make this a leading question) 2022-11-20 03:36 (UTC)

What

[The way Doppio's responses noticeably slow down may shed some light on how deliberate his evasiveness was.]

That doesn't make any sense.

[It's not so much deliberate as it is a somehow habitual blindness. He doesn't do it on purpose, never goes so far as to stare the truth in the eye and shut it down; instead, he manages to walk right through it without looking back.]

That makes no sense!

[There is one thing he has to actively steer his mind away from - his life in that other world, where Trish was present despite not even being in Ryslig at the time - but that isn't difficult for him to do, either.

It was a fake life, and that wasn't really him. Why should it matter? It doesn't matter. He's told himself that so many times, it didn't factor into this until exactly now, when Trish has brought it up, and now he finds himself having to turn away from it.]

Just... think about it!
How old would I have been then??
Your mom wouldn't fall in love with a kid!
I mean... an even YOUNGER kid

[It does, but regardless she doesn't understand it.

Maybe it's a reflex too well-trained into Doppio that he doesn't realize it, but in her mind, he said it himself, didn't he?

Nothing's changed.

Which begs the question of how he can comfortably engage with the idea that he and his Boss were once the same man, but the significance it holds regarding his relationship to her is too hard for him to acknowledge? He certainly can't be feeling anything like remorse or guilt with this information being held up for him to examine. Indeed, neither iterations of her father are capable of that.

Maybe she's being uncharitable. Waking up and realizing you are a duo and you have a daughter is a weird, destabilizing fact to someone who's lived a lie for so long, but at that point how can anyone draw a line in the sand over what is or isn't too much? None of it is normal!

Still, she tries to explain it. She hasn't got the patience for denial, but it does occur to her Diavolo probably did not engage the topic like she is right now.]

Doppio, listen to me.

You cohabited a body with your boss, something you yourself have stated and discussed not even minutes ago. That makes you the same age as him regardless of what you may or may not remember for yourself.

It makes us family by blood.

You haven't got any reason to panic and hide from this fact. We both know it. Diavolo knows it. It's a simple truth.

Edited (wording, i took a drowsy medication fdssassasadsad) 2022-11-21 10:21 (UTC)

[Is there a line? Is it a matter of it being "too much"? The fact of the matter, as Doppio sees it, is that all he knows is the following:

"The Boss and I once shared a body."

It's surreal, but simple. It explains a number of things - not only what he admitted to Trish, but what he doesn't dare to share, such as the ever-persistent inkling that his connection to the Boss truly was something special, something that nobody else had ever had.

But that's all. Why would it mean they're the same age? Why would it mean he has anything to do with Trish?

It's not so much of a line as it is a wall, one that she's forcing him to collide against rather walk through.]

You don't know that. You don't know if we've ALWAYS shared a body.
Do I LOOK old enough to be your dad?

Hell, don't you have that family connection thing?
Where you look at the Boss and you KNOW he's your dad?
If I was your dad you'd have known way before this!

And I'm NOT panicking!

[This is making Trish wonder if Diavolo swept it under the rug. Or obfuscated some of the truth, but she's dug deep enough to know now.

It makes too much sense for Doppio to have ever been a separate person.

Indeed, he may be a wholly distinct entity from Diavolo, but he's nonetheless a symbiotic one. How else could Diavolo hide so perfectly in plain sight, ruling over Passione without every being identified? With meek Doppio as a front, he could skirt by detection, eyes passing over the unremarkable silhouette Doppio cut.

It also helps her to not lose her nerve or second-guess herself because she's seen exactly how this sort of relationship functions for herself. Without Cervo, maybe Doppio could have said these things and been right. But here he is, a man who denies the reality, not realizing he's made another entity to stand in for him in this world. Almost like it's a survival mechanism of his, to let another personality subsume him wholesale until it's time for them to relinquish control and let him deal with the problems he's meant to handle.

Still...this is troubling. He believes, and yet he doesn't. Where's the divide? Can it be crossed? She can lead a deer to port, so to speak, but she can't make him take the ferry.]

That "family connection thing" is almost certainly a result of my Stand awakening.

I have neither her nor that ability here, so I can't say that's a fair argument to put forth when the first time I ever saw you for myself was on this very peninsula. There's simply no comparison that can be made.

Similarly, I can't prove that you were always the same person, but there are reasons for me to believe that to be true. To imply otherwise would mean that somehow, you two were completely separate people that got put into one body, but that's much harder to pull off than to be two souls in one body, especially when you could seamlessly share King Crimson in a way unheard of among Stand users.

I brought this up not because I want to hold it over you, either. It's more that when I thought about the stories I was told about my father, you fit the description more than your Boss ever has.

Do I want it to be true? No. I wish my father could've been as sweet and kind as the person my mother remembered. Ignoring those supposed traits, you've shown yourself to be a cowardly sycophant, while your other half is heartless and colder than the deepest parts of Hell.

Neither of us gets anything good out of the truth other than some closure on my part.

That being said, if you're not interested, I'm not going to push the issue. Ignoring the biology of it, if you really weren't present enough to remember, then calling you anything resembling "father" must be laughable to you.

[He's not sure how he feels.

That is not a statement of indecision, but a complete, vast Unknown. It's as if there were a haze over him - he reads her words and they seemingly achieve the impossible: they fail to penetrate him while also seeping into him and tying a knot in his throat.

What she says makes no sense. He feels no connection to her, Stand-related or otherwise. For some reason, when she calls him a "cowardly sycophant," it stings. It stings when she says those words about the Boss, too, but he can't bring himself to correct her - whenever he tries to write in his defense, something screams at him not to do that. Not to do that to her.

He doesn't know what this IS.]

Didn't you have closure already?
In Rome?
Or... are you saying it's different now?

[The thing he doesn't seem to get is that she doesn't feel a connection either, not in the way he might think. They're similar, actually, in that he lived never knowing he had technically fathered a child, and she lived knowing what fathers were as a concept while not once caring that hers was absent, not when he had never been there to miss in the first place.

But they do have one tenuous connection, in that he is...maybe the only person besides Diavolo who personally knew Donatella Una, although he doesn't remember her, so what does it matter? What does she get if she somehow conjures the barest memory? Diavolo never spoke of her, and Trish is sure she would spit fire over anything he could possibly say, and she's sure Doppio's opinion would inspire similar rancor.

What happened that summer only carried weight because she exists, after all.

Otherwise, it would have been just a distant memory. But now she's got the lonely position as the only living proof either of her parents ever existed, a forgotten woman and a forgotten man erased from the world just months apart. She supposes Doppio can happily not care about any of it as he always has, which is irritating, but unsurprising.

His question is easy to answer, at least.]

The whole point of going to Rome for me was twofold. Specifically, to find out who exactly my father was, and then to kill him. What I learned in Rome went against what precious little I did know about him, and was secondary to making sure he couldn't ever hurt anyone again; so in a way, it was different the moment we faced each other on the battlefield.

And then I was left with questions no one could answer. The dead can't speak, and the living can speculate until they're dead too, without ever reaching the truth.

However, I'll admit I know nothing about your boss other than what he was able to show in Rome. Maybe he really is just like you when he isn't faced with someone he can only see as an enemy. Maybe he does stop to chat with insects and frogs as amiably as you have in the past. Maybe he's clumsy and awkward too.

Regardless, I think I know the truth.

[The next message only comes several minutes later, despite being quite short:]

I've never seen the Boss do anything like that.

["Even though he's not as bad as you think," he wants to tell her. Once again, some part of him vehemently forbids it.]

Is that all you've got to say, Doppio?

[Hmph.]

Fine.

The truth persists no matter how much you turn away from it. Actions don't stop having consequences even if they go unseen. Unseen in this case is a double meaning, because I do mean whatever you tried to hide, and the things that happened when you stopped caring to look.

Everything you two tried to bury in the past was able to sprout anew because of your shortsightedness. And I'll be here to remind you every day of that which you failed to erase despite your combined efforts, and I hope it haunts you both for as long as we all live.

[It stings harder. He still doesn't know why, he still doesn't really get it, but what he DOES know is that it hurts.

It would be easier never to speak to her again, to forget about her and take the truce to its natural conclusion. He'd rather not think about any of this again, about the past that she's assigning to him or why the Boss doesn't fit neatly where he should. Maybe it would make Trish happier, too. Wouldn't it be better for her to bury her past as well, to abandon it all and rebuild her life from the ashes?

His head hurts. That knot in his throat persists.

For some reason, what he finds himself typing and sending is the following:]

Do you think I'm doing this on purpose?
Do you think I'm just lying to you? Because I'm NOT, okay?

I don't remember anything from before. I don't really know where I'm from or...
Pretty much ANYTHING that happened before I met the Boss.
I don't have answers for you but I'm not being this way just because I'm stubborn or whatever.
Alright?

Sorry.

[Trish can't claim to always do what's harder just because it's right. Sometimes the right thing is just easier than the alternative, or makes more rational sense to her. Sometimes she's a coward too. But she was raised by someone who was as human as anyone, flawed but stronger for it, perhaps. Donatella talked about the past often not to be wistful, but to remind Trish things don't pop out of the ether, and important people come and go, regardless of their impact on your life. Of course, Trish retreats just as well as her father does from the things that make her uncomfortable and unhappy, but...

She can't fathom hating the past so much she doesn't acknowledge any part of it.

No, the past is full of happy memories up until it isn't, and it informs everything about who she is regardless of how she feels about it. So Doppio's entire frame of existence is impossible for her to conceptualize. In Doppio's mind, he has no past until he becomes the underboss. That's all he is and all he wants to be. It's such a small box when she scrolls back to reread his replies, she can see him actively restructuring everything she says in a way he can comprehend in his narrow vision of the world.

He can sit there and believe he and the Boss were always separate people, but she knows that can't possibly be true. Between Polnareff's best guess and Cervo's inception as points of reference, there's nowhere else for Doppio to exist prior except in Solido Naso's shoes.

So his apology is strange, not to mention infuriating. He can't possibly care about upsetting her, especially over something like this, where her feelings matter little in the face of his comfort. If it's true of Diavolo, it ought to be true of Doppio too.]

You're lying to yourself as much as you're lying to me, for a given value of lying.

You can sit there and construct convenient truths forever about why it's perfectly sensible for you to sit in the shadow he casts and never ever stray further, like it's all you ever had and it's all you'll ever need, just like I can sit here and wonder how anyone could possibly live like an appendage and be satisfied.

It drives me mad, really. I've clearly thought much harder about your past than you yourself ever bothered to.

Which means I don't need you to acknowledge any part of this to make what I've learned more real. I know what I was told, and unlike you, she had no reason to lie to me.

So, go ahead.

Live your truth.

Just know it's as flimsy as your spine.

I'm not an appendage!

[He doesn't understand.

He doesn't understand why she doesn't understand, why she can't see what he's trying to tell her: that they can't be family because he's never had a family, and he's fairly sure most people don't just Start Having One, and he can't help her because the man her mother met couldn't have been him and so it wasn't.

He doesn't understand why it bothers him so much, why his chest feels so tight or why he feels so strongly like he has to salvage this, whatever this is.

He doesn't want to talk about it. He can't talk about it. He can't stop typing.]

I'm telling you what I know, how does *that* make me a coward?
I mean I AM a coward, but not because of this!
Do you know how many people know I don't remember jack shit? Not that fucking many! One of them isn't even here anymore!
Not that it matters because it's okay! I'm okay with it but that's not the point!
I'm not calling your mom a liar either!
FUCK!

[It's perhaps not fair. If he doesn't know, how can she prove it?

She has evidence. She has lots of it, circumstantial for awhile, and then explicit considering what she witnessed in Felfri. She could see Doppio retreat and Diavolo try to analyze in the same instant, a body trying to act on two whims when they've likely never fought for control at any time because Doppio was always happy to relinquish it.

Happy, but maybe it's just been something they've always done. Maybe there was never just Solido, and Doppio can only remember what happened after he met the boss because those memories are solely held within Diavolo's mind. It's weird to think, but she supposes it makes some sense. But then, Diavolo still doesn't fit any part of her mother's recounting. Doppio must have played a role. Just like Cervo plays a role, and Diavolo plays a role.

It makes too much sense for him to be someone who only existed after Sardinia. Unless Sardinia is when they split? She thinks on Polnareff's story, but for something like this...it's just too hard to say.]

It makes you a coward because what you know is only what you've been told.

Do you mean to tell me you never asked for more than the role bestowed upon you? That you never wondered who you were before? Only a coward would be so afraid to know that they'd never look for the answer themselves.

I risked what little I had left to find out what kind of person my father was. I wanted to know where I came from. I'm not happier knowing the ugly truth, but I'm stronger for surviving the trial to get it. If I'd turned away from it, I'm sure I would've only been successful in dying in ignorance, just like he wanted for me from the start.

His words, not mine.

I wasn't afraid

[Wasn't he? He can barely remember even that. ~~Is he afraid NOW?~~

There is, again, a significant pause.]

Look, it's not the same thing.
You had a starting point, right? You had your mom growing up and you had what she told you.

[He didn't. Even if he had wanted to look, he wouldn't have known where to start. ~~And he never wanted to, because it would have been a betrayal at its core.~~]

[Trish wants to bash her fists on her keyboard.

Maybe Doppio's not pretending, but he's very good at ignoring what's right in front of him. He's missing pieces, sure, big ones, but she has thin patience and no interest in closing the gap for him at the moment.

Irritation wins out.]

Your boss.

Your boss is right there.

You tell me how you don't remember anything until you "met him", and somehow he's not a starting point? I know he doesn't care about anything but himself, and I could almost be sympathetic if you were somehow too afraid to ask before coming here. Asking questions got people killed, I recall.

Regardless, I still can't imagine standing there and not goddamn wondering what kind of person I was to get the trust of a man so vile in the first place. Then again, it's got to be exactly because you never stop to think about anything deeper than a puddle that he finds your company so appealing.

Go to hell, Doppio.

Edited 2022-11-30 07:19 (UTC)

Fine.

I don't care.

[For some reason, those words sit in the pit of his stomach more uncomfortably than anything Trish has accused him of lying about.]

It's all over anyway.
Have a good life.

[~~He's never had a family.~~ ~~He doesn't need a family.~~ ~~He's never needed anything more than what he already has.~~ ~~So, why is this...?~~

What the hell is he thinking?

This is for the best. If the Boss knew how badly she's fucked with his head, he's not sure even the truce would save her.]

IC Inbox

<Zigazigah>

<purplepiper>

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here we fuckin go

HEHEHEHEHEHE

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[textually comes at Doppio w a chair]

OUGH

:3c also [eyes] at that line about rebuilding from ashes

hee hoo hee

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trish forgetting about her truce to throw a tantrum at Doppio instead

WEEPS

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PURPLEPIPER. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 541.26.365.77 * PURPLEPIPER has joined 541.26.365.77 <PURPLEPIPER> Am I doing this right? <PURPLEPIPER> Pretty weird to just leave a message like this is an answering machine or something <PURPLEPIPER> ME leaving a message I mean! <PURPLEPIPER>** You can leave one if you want and I'll just get back to you whenever I can.